The world of fiction and that of reality is ridden with picture perfect illustrations of possessiveness. With its close nexus to the 'green eyed' monster of jealousy, possessiveness has not only destroyed relationships but also been self consuming in process. Springing from a mixed feel of insecurity, suspicion and fear- possessiveness is starkly negative in its realm and effect.
Love and possessiveness
A fine line of distinction needs to be drawn between possessiveness and that of passion or faithfulness in love. It is different to love someone sincerely, but with possessiveness things take turn for the worse.
While loving helps you to grow, possessiveness aids in withering.Loving is all about believing, caring, sharing and reposing trust; possessiveness on the other hand abets the flow of destruction.
It is inimical to the positive glows of love and loving as much as to the tender bonds of caring, sharing and trusting. If you love someone, there are reasons to give him/her space for breathing and that of comfort. But it is pretty common amongst people overwhelmingly possessive to disallow that much of breathing space. It all comes with possessiveness and its accessory feeling of jealousy.
Psychological triggers for Possessiveness
Antecedents ranging from loneliness down to discrimination at childhood may be responsible for making one possessive. Low self image and lonely childhood days are equally responsible for fostering the same.
Other than these psychological triggers, spousal behavior can also make one possessive. At times it is also inherited as one of the negative genetic traits. Having been exposed to fierce possessiveness of domineering father/mother, the son/daughter is likely to pass on the same to his/hers children and spouse.
Nature and type of Possessiveness
Irrespective of the cause or antecedent, it generally doesn't reveal itself in sudden bouts of passion or anger. It is a generic trait and a person possessive about his/hers partner is found equally possessive about other close ties.
As one of the negatively oriented emotion possessiveness can be similarly painful for yourself as your loved ones. It not only shakes the base of trust and love, but can consume it as well.
Signs and symptoms of possessiveness
Whimsicality and fearful domination count amongst the leading signs and symptoms of possessiveness. With possessiveness one not only tries to domineer but also seeks to be suspicious. In fact, it all comes as a chain of reaction with one leading to the next.
It is something like this - A spouse failing to take charge of a situation, tries to spy on him/her. You can also have her/him checking out his bags and baggage for signs and symptoms of infidelity in the marriage. The so called better half isn't allowed to rest in peace.
Such are the awful consequences of possessiveness. There are yet others who may not trust the scheme of espionage, choosing to go for a self vigil over that of spying.
They needn't mind go to the extent of hovering over their work places, to find out if their spouse is having an affair on the sly.
Possessiveness- how it destroys a relationship
Possessiveness kills slowly but surely. Initially, spouse or partners will interpret such signs of interferences as overt show of love, but when it becomes a nagging & negative character trait, it is sure to develop cracks in relationship. Whether you are a possessive mother or a wife, you are sure to be on the losing end.
Any relationship, irrespective of its depth and intensity, calls for freedom and space. Everyone looks forward to those special moments of self calm and joy. So, with possessive ones interfering into the same cracks are bound to appear. If things aren’t brought under control, it is likely to dissociate as well.
As mentioned previously, possessiveness can also be self consuming. By trying to take charge of any and everything, the possessive person is equally causing disruption in his/hers scheme of things. It is impossible for such a one to breathe freely in peace or to enjoy the joyous bliss of a relationship. After all, his/hers domineering feel of possessiveness is being focused upon more than the sweet nothings of life.
How to control possessiveness
Self introspection and a fair bit of self analysis can help you control possessiveness. You need to trace its root causes - more so if you feel your spouse’s behavior is making you possessive.
Try to jot down the feelers of irritability, as to what exactly is bothering you and how you are reacting to the same, because almost all signs of possessiveness are bound to leave you with a bad taste. If it has become a way of living, psychological counseling/marriage counseling can help you see reason. With spouse being one of the triggers, marital counselor can help mediate to solve the problem.
Deep breathing and meditation are some of the other alternatives helping you achieve superior level of mental focus, thereby helping you out of possessiveness. Hypnosis leading to self control can also help you see reason and not be overtly possessive about near and dear ones.