Sydney, July 12 : Australian Test captain Tim Paine has said that his career threatening injury in 2010 had led to him hating wicketkeeping and he faced a lot of confidence issues.
"When I started training and playing again I wasn't too bad, until I started to face guys who bowled a bit quicker. And they'd be running in and instead of thinking about hitting the ball, I was thinking: 'Geez I hope he doesn't hit me on the finger'," Paine said on the 'Bounce Back' podcast.
"From there it was just a downward spiral. I lost absolutely all confidence. I didn't tell anyone about it. The truth is, one, I was scared of getting hit and two, I just didn't know what I was going to do," he added.
Paine said that the struggles made him a difficult person to be around.
"I didn't sleep, I didn't eat. I was so nervous before games, I'd have no energy. I was horrible to live with. I was pretty ordinary to my partner, who is now my wife. I was always angry and took out that I wasn't doing well on other people.
"I was embarrassed at what I had become. I love training for cricket, and I love watching cricket. But when it came to my part in the game I just hated it. I would rather be anywhere else in the world because I was convinced I was going to fail," Paine said.
"No one knew I was struggling, not my mates, not my partner. There were times when she was at work and I'd sit on the couch crying. It was weird and it was painful." He said the important turning point was when he decided to see a sports psychologist at Cricket Tasmania.
"I sat with her for maybe only 20 minutes that first time and I remember walking out of that room and instantly feeling better, that I had let someone in.
"And, in the end, the first step to dealing with it was admitting that I needed help. It still took six (more) months, but I remember walking out of that room and feeling instantly better," the Australian Test captain added.